Monday, October 02, 2006

Shut Up That Screaming Cell Phone!

A U.K. company has figured out how to stem the crime wave in cell phone thefts. Give the thieves a splitting migraine. You think having to suffer someone's screaming brat in a restaurant or grocery store is bad? How about a cell phone that starts screaming and won't stop until you yank the battery? That'll fix 'em.

In their recent, Synchronica describes their advance as "wailing phones." If a wail, it's a Banshee-like blood curdling scream from beyond the grave. Perfect for Halloween, unnervingly annoying any other day of the year. If this thing goes off in public, people will immediately jump to the conclusion that there is a demon captive in your coat pocket or purse. Not exactly the attention you want if you're a crook on the run.

Here's how it works. As a company, you subscribe to the Synchronica Mobile Manager service. This service offers online management of your wireless devices using a Web-based interface. As soon as an employee notices that their phone is missing, management can immediately lock the phone, wipe clean any personal data, and turn on the Synchronica Scream Feature of the service. At that point the only viable option if for the perp to chuck that phone into the nearest river or stuff it behind the pumpkin display at the grocery.

Even without the thing screaming and attracting all sorts of attention, the pinched phone has lost its value. There is no way for any evil-doers to get access your list of A-list celebrity contacts, email addresses of the board of directors, or compromising photos. Just like a classic Mission Impossible tape, that info self-destructs...minus the smoke, plus the screams.

Imagine the unsuspecting soul who happens to find the BlackBerry that fell out of your pocket in the taxi. They have only a few moments to relish their treasure trove with visions of an immediate sale on eBay. Then the thing screams in their face and won't stop. I'd stuff it under the seat and get out of the cab. How about you?

This screaming phone idea is so good, I think that Synchronica should port it to car alarms. Does anyone even look up anymore when that infernal beeping starts in the parking lot? I'll bet they'd jump if that innocent looking Lexus let out a scream that could wake the dead. It would probably be a good idea to have many different versions, so potential witnesses would always be surprised and immediately take notice if not run to the poor car's defense.

Good news for those of us in the crime ridden Colonies. Even though Synchronica is a UK based company, they do have an office in Washington, DC. Perhaps their next invention can be a personal protection system for Congressional Pages. "One more email like that, Congressman, and I'm really going to scream."

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