Undercover Laptop Sleeve Computer Cloaking Device

In the annals of computer security there is a product destined to become legend. It is not a network appliance, anti-virus software or spam filter. It requires no power to do its job. There’s nothing to configure and no maintenance cost. It is, perhaps, a masterpiece of physical security. It works its magic while cleverly disguised as... a dirty old bag.

Such is the Undercover Laptop Sleeve. It’s a product offered by a UK company called Lazybone, which describes its offerings as “freaky, uniquey, gadgetry geekery.” Where high technology fails, gadgetry geekery offers an alternative solution.

The beauty of the Undercover Laptop Sleeve is its ugliness. What looks to a potential gadget snatcher as a disgusting old mailing envelope is actually the hiding spot for your MacBook, Dell, Compaq or other high value laptop computer. Even beyond the cost of replacement, how much damage can a thief do when they get your bank records and every other detail of your personal life stored indiscreetly on an unencrypted hard drive?

If you have the proper attitude of security paranoia, your laptop is password protected with encrypted files. You also carry a Kensington Lock with a cable that’s always wrapped around a radiator pipe or strung through the back of a chair to deter any quick grabs. But if you are like the other 99% of us, you probably leave the machine sitting there bringing in email while you make a sprint for the public potty. Many a geek has been victimized by his or her inability to hold their Mountain Dew.

Don’t leave that precious PC out there in public view as temptation to moral weaklings. Slip it into the Undercover Laptop Sleeve and close the flap. Who is going to reach for that disgustingly germified looking brown envelope full of dirt-smudged mailing labels? It must have been through the mail. It’s got stamps on it!

To make the cloaking effect more robust, make sure nobody actually sees you slipping your computer into the sleeve. Even dumb criminals are smarter than that. You’ve got to sneak it in and maybe even sit a few other papers on top of it. That’s especially true if the sleeve is going to be visibly unguarded on a restaurant table or sitting on the backseat of your car, two things that you probably shouldn’t be doing to tempt fate with or without a dirty old computer hiding bag. Think of it more as a security enhancer.

The Undercover Laptop Sleeve comes in two sizes, 8 - 13 inches and 13 - 17 inches. It’s made of a material that is waterproof, tear-proof and can be written on. It’s also nicely padded for extra computer protection. Just don’t write something like “Don’t look in here. No computer inside” on your sleeve. Not only will it attract thieves like bears to honey, but they’ll also know that they can steal your car because you always leave the keys in the ignition where you won’t “lose” them.

You Are A WiFi Finder

The ultimate in Internet geekiness may be available through ThinkGeek. It's a t-shirt that glows to indicate the strength of nearby WiFi hotspots. Put this on and Internet addicts will follow you anywhere. Better yet, BE the hotspot and you'll have them eating out of the palm of your hand... or at least the signal you're radiating.

The Wi-Fi Detector Shirt by ThinkGeek is a black cotton t-shirt with a removable decal that shows a tower and radiating signal lines. Those lines light up in proportion to the signal strength of a nearby 802.11b or 802.11g WiFi hotspot signal. The closer you get, the more it glows.

Oh, wait. I can see a couple on the beach running toward each other. Their detector shirts get brighter and brighter as they approach until finally...ZAP. The power of love was just too much for the detector circuits and they fizzled.

OK, that's probably a bit far-fetched. But there is a way to make your detector shirt glow brighter as you approach the object of your affection. All they need is to be carrying a MiFi Personal Hotspot. That's the cool new device that slips in a shirt or jacket pocket, or can be tucked into a laptop bag or purse. The MiFi combines a wireless modem aircard for Sprint or Verizon Wireless Internet service along with a WiFi card to create a completely wireless roving hotspot. It can be used to secretly give you broadband access where others have none. Well, not so secret when someone with a detector shirt nears.

Say, are you still in pursuit of a compatible significant other? In that case, YOU bring the MiFi hotspot and wear the shirt. Geeks in the know will immediately recognize your radiating 2.4 GHz powers to connect and gather near. You can let up to 5 of them share your walking broadband connection. Will they love you for it? Will they buy you food in return for your generous connectivity? They better. Otherwise, they get shunned as a more promising follower is enabled for WiFi Internet. As Tom Petty said, "It's good to be king."

By the way, if you aren't into being a hotspot on the hoof but still want to draw attention to yourself, there's also an equalizer T-Qualizer Shirt. It has one of those spectrum analyzer displays with the signal bars that you see on many stereo receivers. It's got a built-in microphone, so all you need to do is swagger into a club or party and switch on the EQ display. Why, the moving lights in time to the music might even have a hypnotic effect on those you wish to impress. It will be up to you to use that power for good and not evil... as I'm sure you will.